My Asylum

Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah. A yet another gay-empowerment movie.

Admit it! The world is slowly being conquered by gays. They’re everywhere. And while the society still not fully accept it, same sex relationships are leaping beyond bounds. And Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Movee is one to prove this reality.

Ada (Rustom Padilla), a typical effeminate gay who runs a humble beauty parlor, starts the running of the show with tears washing over his face, along with the unkind rainy weather. His profound gloom and painful ordeal was primarily caused by the typical boy-gay relationship oddity, when his boyfriend for three years, whom he had been supporting to send to school, was finally saying goodbye for the mere reason that his mother forbids him to be meeting Ada again, which Ada finds so curious that it’s only now that his bf’s mother told so now that his bf is nearing his graduation. Nonetheless, Ada cannot insist on his want, and need as far as love is concerned. The boy left him, but before that user/player left, of course, he’d taken his last "sustento" for his tuition from Ada. Typical, really, them opportunistic boys…

But life has to move on. Ada, together with his niece (Pauleen Luna)moves on to another place, in an attempt to forget his bitter past. From there he has Didi (Chokoleit) as his assistant in the parlor. He then secretly has a crush on Dodong (Alfred Vargas), a pandesal vendor, who happens to be the brother of his niece’s boyfriend (Aylwin Uytingco). But because of the hurting he had experienced before with his boylet, he suppresses this feeling.

The adventure starts when a considerable huge stone of somewhat rectangular in shape and pink in color (and it tastes strawberry) with inscriptions "Zaturnnah" fell from heavens and hit him as he was singing while bathing. Though large, the stone still finds its way into his mouth, into his esophagus, and down his tummy. Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah is then born with his shouting of "Zaturnnah!" as the stone is inside him.

Slaying a giant pesky frog and blasting off a multitude of walking and floating zombies, he (or she as he’s a woman when he’s Zaturnnah) becomes the community’s hero.  She then meets Queen Femina (Pops Fernandez) and her Amazonistas (Kitkat, Giselle Sanchez, Say Alonzo and Glaiza (?)) who are all anti-male species and are turning males into females in the Earth.

Fighting begins but of course, as the leading role, she is victorious. She’s saved their world from Queen Femina’s and her minions from their cruel attempt of conquest. In this severe fight, Dodong witnessed him turning from Zaturnnah (who Dodong had fallen in love with because she’s saved him from harm in the preceding running of the movie) to the original gay Ada. But eventhough shocking, Dodong’s love had never faltered, whether he’s Ada or she’s Zaturnnah, although there’s never a chance anymore that she can turn to Zaturnnah again as the stone is already lost after being thrown straight and is swallowed by Femina, who then became a hideous "porky" male.

Every gay will love this film. There’s unconditional love shown by Dodong which every gay wish to experience in this real life. But this is not just a gay film, it’s for the whole family. It’s the Philippines version of Brokeback Mountain, only that this one is magical and fantastic. But then again, following what your heart says in spite the odds, is what these two films have in common. You may ask for more, so just wait as there will be Part II. It can perhaps be Zsa Zsa Neptunnah. LOL.

Go gays! And also go boys who love unconditionally…